THE BIGGEST TWIT YET! (From your legally blonde, legendary leader Mamamia)

Jeez Wheat ‘Belt-Tighteners’.


Barnaby Joyce, our Dear Supreme Leader and American TV’s inbred ‘Mr. Tomato Head’ courtesy of Johnny Depp , concedes that us Nat’s are now considered nits across Australia’s rural, regional and vast empty spaces. (Our local bloke, Terry Redman, is worried too, but he’s not sure what ‘nit’ means. He thinks it might be the abbreviation for a sports star called Nit Nat.

Being the Minister for that Sporty stuff, I told him it was Nic not Nit!

Let’s move on. Those vast empty spaces are in the voter’s heads. In WA, even Pauline (wot was the question?) Hanson, also known as Pauline Pantsdown, is getting sh*t-loads more votes than us.

However I’m not worried, I’m a star Member, I have my star Member moves and if push comes to shove from you lot, I can always shake cocktails at The Lizard Lounge at the YRCC. I hear a few hero- to-zero ex-Councillors slink in there to cheaply drown their accumulated sorrows at ratepayers expense, while having a raucous cackle of self-relief when reading their expensive copy of ‘The Fitz-Gerald Report’.

Speaking of the YRCC, the jewel in the crown of classic commercial financial collapsibility, what is York going to do with his debt riddled sinkhole surrounded by disintegrating faux lawn? It must cost a fortune just to clean the windows?

I can tell your there’ll be no Royalties for Regions bailout for this cash-strapped crypt.

You do know that an anagram for tavern is antre which means cave, hole, even old hole. A pretty good definition for a Local Government owned bar one would have thought-but not me of course!

All my fans in York must have worked out what their tavern tab is by now. It stands at around $4,500 per ratepayer and the loose change is $200 per year, each, to keep the doors from rusting shut. That’s assuming you’re still paying your rates.

This means you will be still forking- out when the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse gallop down Avon Terrace announcing ‘Armageddon Day’ as a must-see York Event.

Now I must have a ‘biartch’ (otherwise known as having a bitch). One of your Taliban has written a letter to the lovely Colin Holt, Minister for Racing Gaming and Boozing about Sergeant, Barry Sargeant of the Liquor Licensing squad.

He had the audacity to call him a bumbling , bureaucratic buffoon who spoon-fed the Shire of York Administration a tavern licence because they had no idea what Public Interest Assessment meant, or more likely that it was a Personal Interest Assessment. It was sort of like that Barry’s mother should have thrown Barry out with the bathwater when he was a very young Barry.      

Minister Holt had the courtesy to reply to this vitriolic verbiage with a personally signed response to these intuitive insults by saying they had been noted. 

Now some will say what Col meant was ‘tell someone who gives a rats-ass’. Yet he had no need to respond, let alone show that he must have read it by signing his name and made no attempt to defend his underling. Maybe he understands that Sergeant Sargeant made a tavern a cave and York’s pecuniary poor-house.

Speaking of bureaucrats, a little mammoth in the room told me the Shire of York is ‘hiring’.

It is going to get the Mount Olympus/ Marvel Comics Employment Agency in West Perth to find a Demigod -dash-Super Hero to fill a couple of positions.

One could be a MS.THOR, who’ll bring her hammer and knock-up her own office prior to indulging in finance, human resources, information technology, customer service, administration, governance, the YRCC , swimming pool and library before fixing-up the Old Convent  on the weekend.

The other may well be a MR. ODIN in charge of works and services, capital projects, asset planning, asset maintenance, planning (maybe some other type of planning?), environmental health, building (what exactly?) ranger and community emergency services before mowing all the Shire lawns and the footy oval when necessary.

I know York Shire has to cut its coat (which it doesn’t have) according to the cloth (which it doesn’t have either) but ‘Wow’ these could be real savings on what would normally be a State Government, 25 bureaucrats-per-day jobs.

York Shire has obviously remembered that to face the future with me and the Nits (sorry Nat’s), it will have to tighten its belt- at least a dozen fiscal notches!

We used to be the Country Party, the political party of the country people, by the country people, for the country people- that shall not perish from the earth. Now we are the Nationals, by the Nationals, for the Nationals.  We might not be as dead as the country economy is right now, but we are certainly on the nose with voters.

Yet there are positive signs. One being I’ve got at least another 8 months, until Election Day, to live of the fat of your land.

SO DON’T’T BE SHY, YOU KNOW WHERE MAMAMIA HANGS OUT (SOMETIMES) AND HER CONTACT NUMBERS. Just DROP ME A LINE.
One of my 20 eager staff members will be there to respond, - otherwise we’ll get in some casuals.