A TWIT FROM THE DEEP! (Mamamia waxes her surfboard and baits her breath)

Hi Wheat ‘Belt-Tighteners’.

As the Minister for Water (CO2) I should mention the word ‘Shark’. The oceans are full of CO2 and sharks. The opposition will tell you it is H2O, and sharks, but that’s just political scare mongering.

Now, as I’ve said before, I’m not responsible for anything to do with water, including oceans and its scary critters.

But sharks I do know, they scavenge around Parliament House a lot, looking for ministerial handouts. York had a big white pointer recently curtesy of Tony Simpson and Brad Jolly. He’s one of the Best there is, a pecuniary predator costing York both an arm and a leg.

The other ones really do have a purpose, also a porpoise, a dolphin, some mullet and anything else they can wrap their jaws around. The Editor of The West Australian, Brett McCarthy claims that they even want to graze on our kids (to try and sell his newspaper).

I’ll give you the drum, my line is to capture plenty of real big white pointers and convert York’s YRCC into a giant aquarium and cull two problems with one bait.

What an awesome idea. I can see the neon now. ‘Come see one of the world’s oldest living creatures in WA’s oldest inland town’. There will obviously be a massive memorabilia market, Tee-shirts- you name it. (The Shire of York Council should be thinking logos- “BITE ME- IN YORK”
springs to mind.)

You could have a once a month “Feeding Frenzy Day” and on public holidays, when you invite at least one former Shire President, CEO and Councillor to have a swim- covered in burley.

Some people in York feel they do not have a product to attract tourists. Moi has just solved the product problem.

Still talking tourism, our supreme leader, Colin (Bizarre) Barnett has come up with another bonza-bewdy tourism promotion ‘JUST ANOTHER DAY IN WA’ (with no tourists and an empty treasury.)

I’m not sure how he came up with this one but it lends itself to the critics going feral.

 ‘Just another day in WA’ (and it will get worse), ‘Just another day in WA’ (without 25,000 FIFO workers), ‘Just another day in WA’ (with 2,000 empty hotel rooms), ‘Just another day in WA’ (can someone please switch off the lights) and ‘Just another day in WA’ (the last bus leaves tomorrow).

Moving on you may have heard that I may be the new Nationals leader. No it’s not because I’m the only one that can flick her hair like ‘Miss Piggy’ and wear a decent lip gloss. That’s not nice!

I know all about CO2 and who the real sharks are, me and Liza Harvey are circling. (We call ourselves the ‘Awesome Jawsome’ even though her jaw is way bigger than mine.)

My intended leadership-spill victim is Terry Redman. He’s just come out of the closet and said he wants to use Royalties- for regions growth- not for rest and recreation. He actually wants to use my Glory Box to create jobs.

As I have pledged to you since 2013, I will not allow Royalties for Regions to create one PERMANENT JOB in my electorate and I’ll take this promise through to the next election. (Permanent jobs are only for senior bureaucrats who live in Perth.)

To get re-elected I need cash to splash to keep our public swimming pools from turning yellow and build a couple of skate parks for the Jenny Craig failures. How many times do I have to tell Terry that? Honestly- MEN!

Speaking of yellowish, I’m the Minister for Sport, not buildings erected for sports stuff. I take no responsibility for the windows at the Burswood Sports Arena being orange.

What we wanted was smoky-day-grey, to reflect the pall of carbon monoxide that hangs over Beijing. That’s one way to attract Chinese tourists and make them feel at home.

What we got was disaster orange, the colour that best suggests what an atomic bomb blast looks like after the event.

Of course this glass faux pas won’t cost the public anything. We’ll sack a couple of hundred nurses and divert finances from where it is needed most, so you’ll never know what this particular stuff-up really cost.

You see? It’s just like the YRCC. You’ll never know what anything cost because it’s commercially confidential- to us- and we ain’t telling no-one.

So my Central Wheatbelters listen carefully for the false hope I provided to you prior to the next election, which will become broken promises if I get re-elected.

Times are tough- and some of the tough may be forced to settle in Perth where they have some hope of finding a job.

Remember, to face the future with me, you’ll have to tighten your belts- at least a couple of notches!

DON’T’T BE SHY, YOU KNOW WHERE MAMAMIA HANGS OUT (SOMETIMES) AND HER CONTACT
NUMBERS. DROP ME A LINE!